Perils

Tuesday early morning , before dawn even sets in , the air was cold , the lil' breeze from time to time was refreshing . I stepped into the bath room . The hot water poured on me . I was feeling slightly better , well at least . Questions and more questions flowed in , question is that I questioned myself whether I've done right . Are you seriously saying I'm not serious ? Look who's talkin' man . These few weeks these few days have been really really tiring , that kind of tiredness that wears you off and I'd probly just get through this post with just ramblings . Being the leader of sucha big group adds in to the pain of bein' sandwiched . Feel me ok , when what you did was not even wanting to share , yes I'm invisible yes, I'm a light bulb . I've got so many thoughts in mind , and I said it too loudly & now this mess . & when all the faults and blames and everything and anything points to me , I nearly went cray . I'm not good at pointin' others faults , not unless this fella really irritates the hell outta me . What I heard today was disappointin' , really . When everythin' in summarize sounds so much like , "Duh , it's your fault" . Pushin' blames , poitin' arrows , you guys are pretty muchh good at this . Didn't I alr said I'm not free on Fri ? But you guys go ahead anyways ? & you guys just chose to sit there sealed your mouth & get clean from this matter . Then everyone started saying 'never set good example la' 'please learnt to sort out your priorities' For god's sake . It's my bff 18th burfdae man , so zip 'bout settin' my priorities . 'please be more active during meetings' I ONLY ABSENT ONCE . All these might sound like blamings or wtvr in perspective views . I remained silent . If I didn't sent it out ? Who will man . And when I sent , I bear the responsibility . There's so much to do so much 'bout managing my time , can't you even relate to me ? Stress . Like you're the only one havin' it . Just that people don't show it out as obvious as you do . Go ahead , list down a roll of negatives to gain pity points . Sick and tired . so much so I don't feel like writin' anymore . Truth hurts a billion . You , please go ahead in gainin' sympathy stress points and you , continue to have that who-gives-a-damn attitude and continue to leave me out of the convo . Everything's not over yet . The solution have yet to even started . I was waiting for a pair of listening years to rant everythin' out . Somebody I can trust w . But none came , & I hate to approach others to relate 'bout my craps unless bein' asked . So for now , I just have to hid everythin' within this reckless soul . To add on to the misery , school was bein a biatch too . I thought I'm gonna suffocate w no girls to gossip w . Bleh . Let me survive this man , god please please be with me .

Twirl around , the mess in your head

Still up and awake , and I’m thinking sth that pops up in my brain pretty often nowadays , that I’ve been missing . Missing from all the priorities in my life and not getting’ them straight . I hate growing up , and by sayin’ that , I still can’t change the fact that I’m growing . Like everyday why am I wasting my precious youth with unnecessary drama , not that I have to completely erase them from my social life or take life so seriously . My mind is tangled , when time moves steadily but your thoughts doubled at that pace . I have studies and cca to occupy myself with . & the prob comes in , I’m too occupied that I missed out the funneh interesting things that’s goin’ on ‘round me . I’ve made a lot of choices that have gotten me this far , sometimes I wonder if things would turn out differently if I chose the other way & sometimes I was so eager to rewind back time because this was never what I wanted , I know what I want , but like it or not you pretty much have to accept the fact that sometimes we just have to give it up . And my solution let the past be . There's so much in life to look forward to .

Sigh , right now I just wanna feel thankful for havin’ a few true friends I can relate to . I rather keep this minute amount of people throughout my life as a pillar support over those ungrateful lil’ things that you've done so much for .

Happy May //