thoughts at the wrongest time

past 7 days have been the most struggling period of my life . 

To those who knew & was present in all ways possible to keep me from breaking apart , I can't thank this minute of you guys enough . & to those I thought we're friends that's actually close enough but only to realize it's actually the total opposite , fuckoff . you don't start opening your lips apart & say things you thought it's right your way but the fact is you knew nothing at all but simply acting as if you know everything bout me . It's disgusting and gross . Have it ever cross your mind that I did not gave you answers amidst of the questions you ask most of the time ? it makes me puke to think by my side I've friends like this to even bother answering those questions  . I'll be back shortly xx 

I'm not even sure what should I do or how should I speak to not upset people which in turn upset me like I'm trying to be encouraging or what ? Do I have to go through this ? Come and go you're all the same . You've no idea how staring at someone going online over and over again but the typing.... never appear . I know I don't matter but don't come talking to me but ends up blue ticking all the time la . Give it a try , go . I thought . Just thought . My life could turn for the better somehow . Rough night ahead & all I need rn is a hug . My care bear is all I've got . Always telling others be nice to people but at times I'm so done being nice to people you see . 

Mid year kinda update

Wassup readers (if there's still any left)

Life's been a shit hole ever since idk when and it continues that way . I'm struggling in between to live or not every damn day .

I left my workplace that I'm comfortably in and am still mind searching for another job why I said mind searchig cause mentally I'm telling myself I need a job but I'm not doing anything bout it . Currently indulging myself with 16workinghrs/day all in for #Seagames2015 la guys .

In less than a months time I'll be starting school and that kinda suck . I'm not even ready yet . Currently left with 6 days to conclude some answers for some life changing decisions and I haven't gotten a clue on what would I choose yet . Either way it's not gonna be easy and I'm still thinkig .

& tfi , I hope you're happier in wherever you are rn . I hope you feel a tad bit of guilt for abandoning me for your own happiness . Hopefully at least , remember you still have a sister that once rely on you for mental support but you left her hanging there all by herself now 

I'm trying . To be alive . 

GRADUATION bail

Being a student of nyp wasnt plesent ...

 

AT ALL

 

some selfies-wefies-groupies which I tried my best to at least put it in sequence more or less to bring you through till the last part .

 alrenative if it gets too bored for you , fuck off .

 

 

I've decide , to bail for graduation .

 

unless I changed my mind last min or otherwise in 10days time . I could have put in more effort for this graduation but I didn't . & I knew I'm gonna miss out pretty much for the last catch up with some of the people that matters . Let's see how it goes .

 

Through the three years in school , I defined my role in school clear enough , to get past each day . That's it . I didn't pay very much hardwork in what I'm doing the fact I'm in a course I've 0 interest on . Not until when Year2 came by & I decided I couldn't continue like this . But somehow it seems too late to pull that GPA up . Distractions were attracted to me everywhere , or basically my dramas . I just did what was sufficient and relevant to get passable grades and played like crazy on the other hand . And , this is me . I was glad I managed to shun away from all the unhealthy aspects and made it through school .

Friends wise , I've lost a few , gained a few ( I'll do the individual/group dedications some other day or most probly edit it in here ) throughout so I wouldn't say I have a lot of friends in poly because all I need is true friends . I am glad I found a few :-')

Though i'm still feeling really sorreh for what I did the very last page of my last chapter . I wouldn't feel any guilty if it isn't due to involving my friend , & affecting his results . & I couldn't feel any less guilty . So leong if you happen to read this , know that I'm truly sorry & I should've made the right decision back then & not let guilt overwhelm me whenever I thought of graduation .

 

 

Ok , finally I'm done with Poly .

What now ?