It wasn’t a bed of roses. I have built too many walls in my mind. A barrier so thick, a barrier that repels a helping hand . I lost faith in starting anew each year , they’re just numbers and dates in the end .
Many a times , I have a sense of loss with reality . On so many days , I feel mentally apart with people . I have reached the point where everyone I know has the same meaning in life of achieving a goal they deem selfless but deep down – it really is all a contribution for a single individual - in his/her own eyes – sees others as factors . We call it friendship , fostering bonds but at the the end of the day there will always be an underlying motive . Always . The saddest part about this concoction is that people can only relate to it , not have it . The majority of society are too afraid to embrace and adapt to the dark side of human nature and instead , chooses the simple-minded way of living – blinded by what the media has fed them . There is nobody out there I can truly hold on to .
During the times when I tried to discuss of this image of life , people tend to shun it away with comments that ‘aiya , people change’ | 'no la , don't think too much' or any vague replies of reassurance . Venting it out just solely a hope that they will understand . I feel drained that everybody I have met so far is mentally predictable . The biggest flaw I find in modern times is that people are unquestionably gifted with judging on everyone but themselves , they fail or refuse to accept their own failure enough to improve on themselves (because everyone believes they are already improved or the nature of ‘going with the flow’ will just innately work things out their way) . There is fear of the many attributes the human mind is capable of . We feel so separated from people but simultaneously we retweet the same words of comfort . There are way too many different groups of birds of the same feather flocking out there , it’s scary . It’s scary how people fail to realize that we’re all just little specks in the ocean , and no one is meant to matter .
And yes , I may adapt to society but I will never ever fully understand enough to be human.
