Rants

When was the last time I actually truly rant . I'm suffocating .

Of all three sibling it's only me WHY me WHY me WHY ?! Oh so now bein' the middle child I have to take down whatever blamesinsultsaccuses cast on me ? "Yes , I'm at fault" "Yes I did that , I'm Sorry" R E A L L Y . I used to be totally fine taking down all the blame 'cause I pretty much couldn't stand my kins bein' the one suffering . But years after years you see , the tolerance level reaches a limit especially when all the negatives magnify by triple . Now you get a rough idea how much I've endured the past 13 years ?

Today was one of the 'worser' days of my many bad days . It's one of the rare days I stood up so boldly just to confront or T R Y knocking some sense into that bitch that gave me two(hardest one so far) tight slaps early friday morning . wtf . Those accuses & insults are the culprits that trigger it . I took the longest possible way to school head bending as low as possible 'cause those tears need some self-alone time for once . ( Piece of advice , just skip school the next time you have a really really bad morning . You'll feel horrible for the rest of the day you practically won't have the mood at all .) Reached school one hour earlier before class start taking this time for myself to calm down . The rest of the day felt extremely miserable . I have to pretend nothing happened & make sure no one noticed . I have to plant an ultra fake smile to cover up puffy sore eyes & make sure I'm that happy-go-lucky-girl like any other day . Not like it's not worse enough - Friday classes were long hours & time pass by slower than the usual . & my eyes were really really painful . Y'know that-eyesore/dryness-eveytime-after-you-cry . It's not that I love keeping all these shit to myself it's just hard to find that somebody that can totally relate you or after I found , I couldn't bear troubling them or I'll be not in the mood to tell them or get them to pity me or get their mood ruined too . So the amount of bullshits I have to go through myself accumulate day by day I might BOOMZ anytime . One of the thoughest days indeed . There's so much more but sorry , the eyes battery warning signal is up .

Last Chapter

What brings me back to this space was the thought that I couldn't just abandon this space that've filled with 4yrs worth of memories as of now . So I'll continue penning on this space as much as I still can & wants to .

S N A P P I N G back to reality from the very-much-well-spent-2-months-hols needless to say was the toughest decision to make after close to 8 months of not touching any books , not to mention homework/projects/assignments/presentations/due dates . . . 

Now that the last chapter of poly finally began , pretty damn clear graduation day gonna fly in super fast or to make it sounds longer , 17 weeeeks .
On the bright side ! the last sem finally grants me the chance to be in the same class as my clique 4 although .. --- Modules wise aren't very bright though . When all your classes revolves 'round CODECODINGCODES . There's even one asking me to create an android app & the other an IOS app ( apparently IOS is easier ) . Trust me I'm a programmer #whodoIkid . 

To sum up , I'm stuck between bein' excited that I'm graduating soon & not looking forward to my graduation . Period .

Yeap , I chopped my hair . 

The hairdresser was like " Girl , what happen to you . Relationship problems ah ? " 

If you've seen the length of my hair you'd know why .

Oh well , most probly the most impulse decision I've made in 2k14 .

Needa sort out my photos before I could actually upload them . By now . most of you should alr know my phone undergo a very dramatic plastic surgery ( FEEL MY PAIN AT ALL THE LOST OF DATA simply 'cause it's genius owner did not back up ) so lesser visuals for the next few updates & that is only the starting adventure of my hols HAHAHA .

Stay tuned , xo

Difference

the differences between the one who wants to be with you and the one doesn't .

following adapted snippets below couldn't feel any realer  .

They say I'm a coward that if I love him so deeply , why am I not making the first move .

That's what they say

They say why am I so dumb to let him slip through my fingers in the first place .

That's what they say

They say why am I living in denial for the past two years .

That's what they say

They say I'm so stupid to hold on to that grass among the other millions .

That's what they say

On a side note , I'm back from the unannounced really loooong hiatus HA

The past 6 months have been filled with many turns of emotional roller coaster rides .

Shall update on them soon . Promised X