Bittersweet feeling

missin' you sho fuckin bad right now suddenly esp like now when all assignments came crashing & I've got to juggle so many things I hardly can breathe . why're you missin everytime I need you why do I always face the same prob why must the people i love always goes on off on off . you really ain't that simple as you seem i wish those weren't the truths but my bet , i guess they're . Hearing sth that kills you inside but havin to act like you don't care . but that's it , that's how love can do to sth or wait , iz that even love i'm feelin now or i'm treatin you as a bestfriend or a friend or a stranger whom i can talk to . wth wth wth wth am i thinking man seriously seriously seriously ahh damn . & , i really can't stand people treating me as an option .

i really can't

in a stew

I've got so many things to do yet I'm reminding myself I need a break , perfect excuse to use I know right . So here I am engrossed in my own fantasy world dazing at those imagination runnin' wild . & as much as I alr know , the contents of my daydreamin always ended up no good . But somehow , I feel myself drawing nearer towards love . 
After taking such a long long break . 
Now I've got a new set of fear within me that I don't wish to tell anybody . If we could just release this fear of the unknown , we would have boundless courage to accomplish the unimaginable . Only now do I realise in pursuit of my dreams I become lost & bound by worldy fetters . Eventually , your unconditional embrace shows you , 
are still the best .

Jingle to Christmas

Today I sat at the Cafe for two hours or so . Without books , without anything only a phone which left 15% and was used up , shut down after a few photos . And the Cafe was playing " Jingle bell , jingle bell , jingle all the way .." And I comb back through my memories suddenly . Way back to when I was a child . When was my first time I ever heard a full Christmas song ? When was the furst time I sang it . & I don't remember I've ever celebrated Christmas ? I remembered the wooden floor in my nanny's house then , which was really cold in the middle of the Christmas night and I like it . It was raining half the time , being the monsoon season . When I grow up , when I have a house of my own , I would want my floor to be wooden too . It has a tinge of homey feeling . Don't ya think so ? How I  hope I remembered my best friend in my kingdergarten years or do I have one , how are my those lil' playmates now ? How I hope I could still keep in contacts w my primary school bfriends . I wonder how izit feel like getting all so excited getting for my first Christmas presents or do I have one . That kind of innocence when everyone's still a lil' child . & how sad I am to have so damn lil' memories of my childhood . Ain't childhood memories always the best part bein' Ctrl + S in you ? Sigh .. Some time travel ability if only I own .You would probably know what I mean if you have the same feelin' as me .. & I'm missin' my dear Finn so much ..

Good night safe thoughts x

I had a sh-t day

I hate waking up at 6.30 every morn & tues to go to school . I hate waking up early but I don't have a habit of turning in early either . I hate it when my alarm rings . I probably sound like a spoiled bra t. I know I should be thankful I have a school to go to , unlike African kids who can’t afford educatio n… But there’s just a lot of stuff to do way too much for me. I guess I just don’t know how to count my blessings .

" Ai yo ai yo ai ai yo ah "

This sneezing really have to maintain . Never felt so drained before carrying a ghostly face everyday to school ever since weak me falls sick

I can't wait for annual concert to be over so I can go mia at least . 

Now now , does these photos rings a bell in your head ? Hahaha

Spent my Deepavali catching AhBoys to Men w my dearest oppa & boy , this show iz goooood . One of the best local movie I supposed . If you watch it , you can pretty imagined how hard I laughed in there . Love humming along to their theme songs , catchy in a way I like . Btw , if you're as slow as I am , Sergeant Ong's actually a Youtuber & he's a bboyzzz & I think his so coooool . Check him out @ToshRock , you'll agree w me . Oh yeah the male lead is hunsome ! Yes No ? Hahaha

It was rather an impromptu plan to head out & I'm one who loves impromptu plans . Somehow they are much more worth looking forward than those alr planned weeks or months ago heh . Finally a day for me to catch a breath in this hectic months of  October November . Falling sick over & over again saddest part is my daily dosage of sleep is < 5hrs 

Follow up after the movie was a good htht session . We spill out everything & anything under the moonlight to our heart's content knowing that there's somebody listening to those sorrows complaints joy angst . Unknowingly w no reason why those dark secrets are unleashed too . The hidden trust you see . I am as stubborn as I allow myself to be , keeping everything to myself always havin' this mindset it'll be best this way ..

Thank you my big big bun , thank you for everything , accepting who I am with no complaints ☺☺

Christmas is coming Christmas is coming....

∞ hatred cast upon you

You gave it to her . Just like that . I wasn’t even informed wasn't notified . Without even my permission . When I asked her about it one day , she was just like “ so ? ” or something . Whe she dosen't wants them , you threw it away . What’s unfair isn’t the fact that she got the it or I'm bein' selfish or stingy or wtvr you call it ; it’s the fact that there wasn’t even a “ competition ” for it , a fair trial . To actually have to fight for sth that black & white rightfully belongs to me . It’s like finding out after their deaths that your parents didn’t leave you anything but gave all their assets to your sibling . Discussions and decisions were made for you in the dark , behind your back . Like you're totally useless in the household & all that is left to identify you bein' part of here is the blood flowin' within the body that nobody acknowledged at all . I find it challenging trying to force a large pit of injustice down my oesophagus . Pretending so damn hard everyday is fine & crashing that doubtful thought of mine that 'care' was even use on me . I tried to believe I'm lucky , that underneath this shelter is a happy family . This would be so much easier to handle if I didn’t hate mine , & you don't get in the picture . It’s so damn obvious who’s your favourite

P.S sometimes listening ears needs a pair of listening ears too

Beautiful Dynamics

Days of intensive practice .........

all comes down for this very day

& here we go o o ooo oo o

Finally 6 of us are present for a *snap*

' Wow fantstic baby ~ '

HAHAHA Jacky !

Gina !!

Gladys !!

One big family o'

lookin unusually odd

Tryin' to act formal

bet u & I have the same thought seein' this hahah

JinSan & WangWei (:

Alvin , Gina , JinRui

LiangChenn

HuiMing !

Our emcee Grace

Likhim & Wanxiann

my babes who came to support thank youuu muackk ;')

Highlights of the day shall be my zls bein' as handsome as ever & me lookin' unusually odd & awkward in that waitress-look-alike outfit & I was taller by 2cm muahahaha & lookin' superb duperb tired . 

Fact is I really really was

********

Hey you , if you ever see this , Happy sweet 16th like finally huh . 

I fall asleep & obviously didn't kept up to the promise in wishin' you on the dot instead I wished you at 3hrs ltr so I apologize . But at least I didn't gave empty promise like you & tbh I was too busy so your big day was swipe away from me . But hey gadgets will never forget so I have to thank my phone's notif . Glad you're doin' fine mm hmm yeah I've got to admit you came across my mind on off on off for the past one year & holy crap those memories were suddenly so vivid . But fret not , I doubt all these will be on replay 'cause just a few days back through those texts I realize you're such a complete stranger alr .& that's no longer the person I once shared my love w anymore . Silent prayer wishin' you all the best for your remainin' year & goodluckk in your N's results . O's in a year's time so studeh hard . 

Have a blast today alright ;)

' you didn't love her , because you won't destroy the person you love '