Tuesday, May 16, 2017
rubbish thoughts
Sunday, February 19, 2017
a late welcome to 2k17
hello friends , it's been awhile .
2016 went by way too fast for me to really reflect on the many ups and downs for the past year . but i'm feeling thankful . i'm just deeply thankful and grateful i was able to build stronger bridges for those who stayed by my side and guided me along the way , showering me love that i didn't asked for in one way or another . thankful that i'm still alive . thankful for those wise words that makes me treasure life even more . thankful for my decision to take a faith in the unknown and not let fear and a concern for what others will think sway my choices . thankful for those that somehow still give a damn about how and what i'm doing . thankful for this world , the amaze balls people I've met on the road who inspire me and the places I've been that took my breath away with their beauty . letting myself be vulnerable has opened my heart to positive changes . I’ve grown to love myself and the way that i think so i embraced 2017 on a contented note 🙏🏼
and now coming to 2017 , i've been thinking for the longest time what my resolutions will be . & after into the second month of the year , i think i've know what they are .
i feel like i've changed , or i have changed . more than once , we’ve been told to be ourselves . more than once , we couldn’t figure out who ourselves were . more than once have we been lost and confused , grasping at the scattered pieces that defined who we were . but i am human . and in moments like this , i doubt the very nature of my human existence , that i have not fully comprehend my own identity and that scares me . for the longest of time , i have changed to blend in with the people around me . how am i supposed to know how to live when i don’t know who i am and what i rlly want ? so what happens when you start to lose yourself ? What then ? that feeling of doubt , it’s terrifying . everything around me , it hasn’t changed but at the same time , it has changed immensely and the changes are drastic . and in moments like this , we think , we doubt , we question ourselves . and eventually , our perspectives change . as we grow , deep down inside we feel as our emotions intensify .
i have so much love to give , but i’m going to start giving it to myself instead of people who couldn’t care less if we never spoke again . i’ve made permanent homes in people who only made temporising vacations in me , and that , needs to end . this year - i've closed my love and hopes for someone i held so close to my heart for the longest time and open up to someone else . and it began . all sorts of emotions and thoughts start breaking through the walls i've build up over the past years . how do you want me to open up when over and over again , i wasn't given the chance and support . i'm a girl after-all . i have feelings . i have thoughts that i kept deep down just cause i don't feel the need to pour them out . i have plenty of insecurities too . i don't get pissed and disappear doesn't mean i don't get jealous doesn't mean i don't feel hurt doesn't mean i'm really really ok . i have unhealthy habits/routines and i need time . i need time to change . i need chances . i'm not perfect , i can't completely change after a sleep . i've been independent for way too long to know how to love anymore . i've gave you yours where's mine ? maybe it's just me . but i'm out . i'm done .
2016 went by way too fast for me to really reflect on the many ups and downs for the past year . but i'm feeling thankful . i'm just deeply thankful and grateful i was able to build stronger bridges for those who stayed by my side and guided me along the way , showering me love that i didn't asked for in one way or another . thankful that i'm still alive . thankful for those wise words that makes me treasure life even more . thankful for my decision to take a faith in the unknown and not let fear and a concern for what others will think sway my choices . thankful for those that somehow still give a damn about how and what i'm doing . thankful for this world , the amaze balls people I've met on the road who inspire me and the places I've been that took my breath away with their beauty . letting myself be vulnerable has opened my heart to positive changes . I’ve grown to love myself and the way that i think so i embraced 2017 on a contented note 🙏🏼
and now coming to 2017 , i've been thinking for the longest time what my resolutions will be . & after into the second month of the year , i think i've know what they are .
i feel like i've changed , or i have changed . more than once , we’ve been told to be ourselves . more than once , we couldn’t figure out who ourselves were . more than once have we been lost and confused , grasping at the scattered pieces that defined who we were . but i am human . and in moments like this , i doubt the very nature of my human existence , that i have not fully comprehend my own identity and that scares me . for the longest of time , i have changed to blend in with the people around me . how am i supposed to know how to live when i don’t know who i am and what i rlly want ? so what happens when you start to lose yourself ? What then ? that feeling of doubt , it’s terrifying . everything around me , it hasn’t changed but at the same time , it has changed immensely and the changes are drastic . and in moments like this , we think , we doubt , we question ourselves . and eventually , our perspectives change . as we grow , deep down inside we feel as our emotions intensify .
i have so much love to give , but i’m going to start giving it to myself instead of people who couldn’t care less if we never spoke again . i’ve made permanent homes in people who only made temporising vacations in me , and that , needs to end . this year - i've closed my love and hopes for someone i held so close to my heart for the longest time and open up to someone else . and it began . all sorts of emotions and thoughts start breaking through the walls i've build up over the past years . how do you want me to open up when over and over again , i wasn't given the chance and support . i'm a girl after-all . i have feelings . i have thoughts that i kept deep down just cause i don't feel the need to pour them out . i have plenty of insecurities too . i don't get pissed and disappear doesn't mean i don't get jealous doesn't mean i don't feel hurt doesn't mean i'm really really ok . i have unhealthy habits/routines and i need time . i need time to change . i need chances . i'm not perfect , i can't completely change after a sleep . i've been independent for way too long to know how to love anymore . i've gave you yours where's mine ? maybe it's just me . but i'm out . i'm done .
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