Time is G O L D

Sometimes I wonder where will I be 10yrs down the road . I've been thinking , that I've been missing . And  a huge part of this comes from this very moment at where I'm sitting rn . ( FYI to those not catching the ball , I'm sitting infront of a comp 9 hrs everyday doing C O D I N G ) .

 I'm a dreamer of weird thoughts and doing things the weirdest way with the weirdest dreams which includes the weirdest occupations I wanna be . A common question we all ask ourselves - what are we doing with our lives ? what are we going to do with our lives ? Of late I've been thinking at how I've grown // ya it's just simple growing up but know me well enough you know I hate growing up // and how I've disappear away after every phrase of my life . That ---> suck in a way somehow . How I'm not talking to my childhood mates anymore after I left kindergarten and not making an attempt to reconnect the string btwn me and them(of which , partly wasn't my fault) ; How I'm not doing my prayers and attend class after I graduate from sec sch ; How I'm in the progress of disappearing from co after my final year ; 

it's time to get my priorities right .

& how as the years goes by , one tend to think so much it's giving nightmares ( or maybe it's only me , me & yours truly ) .

I am afraid that my life will go running in opposite diretions

I am afraid that who I am misses who I used to be

I am afraid of the demons within me

I am afraid with what retribution has given me

I am afraid of my own flaws

I am afraid my life is beyond saving

I am afraid of losing

and I'm afraid my breaths will start to collapse

Death . Frighten me all the time I tuck myself to sleep as much as I can't imagine people I love around me dying .

I have studies to occupy myself with but I just come to a point in my growing up where I stop learning just because I hate taking life so seriously vice-versa I hate taking life lightly just as much . Bitches , bastards , backstabber , the list goes on forever .

Everyone out there just wants to save themselves from trouble , and they abuse words and trust . That is growing up . That is survival . Because life is a bed full of roses , we just often forget that roses eventually develop thorns and hey , that is who you'll be the rest of your life without a turning point

PS this isn't what I intend to write at the beginning of this post but oh well somehow my fingers typed them up so , yup HA