You have no idea , no idea that I hate you so much now ,
right now at this very very moment .
right now at this very very moment .
Why must you act like sucha fuckin' biatch throwing tantrums at me as and when you like , not givin' a freakin' damn to people around you . Not even bein' bothered to how people 'round you feel . I respected you , I gave you the respect you thought you should received . But today , you had me loses faith in you , had me loses the respect I managed to convinced myself to give you over & over again , literally .
How many times have I forgive you for all the ruthless things you've commit over the years ? How much the teenage repel phrase inside me wants to act up and repel you away from my life forever .
Disappointment repeats itself over and over again .
Disappointment repeats itself over and over again .
How I always wanted to start a convo but you will always kill it within a line . How I felt so down but you paid no notice instead sittin' down there watchin' tv that couldn't be finished watchin' . First major breakdown , where were you ?? How I always cracked a joke but you'll ended up sayin' me wasting my time instead of studying . Wtf man . It's always in my nature to forgive you , to talk to you again for idk why despite tellin' myself so many times you won't appreciate and don't deserve them .
How I always tell myself to take a breather . Appreciate the fact that I have a home to go to , a bathroom to shower in . Have a nice warm shower. Dry myself with a towel and sit in front of a fan , feelin' the cold fingers of wind brushin' through my skin , tellin' myself my body deserves the relaxation and comfort after a long day of operating my brain’s commands . & how doing this will automatically make myself appreciate myself , and there is nothing better than loving myself .
Since when do you realise home feels like hell to us . Since when you realised you hadn't seen bro for 3 weeks . Since when you admit you're at the wrong , admit it's your fault and apologise for it . Since when you made some effort to ammend things you've done terribly wrong . Since when do you realise you're fuckin' biased to sis , & now it's her habit to blamed EVERY S I N G L E things on us & nevertheless you supported her still , when it's obviously her fault . You were so blind . We don't need to be born out livin' as though our presence means nth at all . We really don't .
School is hard and I'm trying the best , not the very best but c'mon I put in effort instead of bein' like sis spendin' $300+ on monthly tution fees w no results at all ?! Since when do you realise how pain I am to be in a course I hardly have interest in , for havin' such boring classmates for the past one year ?? Since when do you realise how grateful I am rn that my class is better this year .
Yes I'm young and wild and want to have fun .
But for God's sake , not all my friends are bad influence .
Since when do you realise I've categorize myself under someone who
" tried your hardest in school and no matter what grade you get your parents are disappointed in you . " ?!
Please worry , when I am not doing fine .
I yearn for a fantasy over a dozen years where we can actually spend some time , have at least a " more than 5mins chat " . Since when you organized a family outin' and stuff . It was always me the one suggesting but at the end of the day , the outing ends up everybody sulking . How not to ? When the moment you stepped out of the house you started naggin' your day away .
Since when do you realize I am the type to not get angry easily but bottle up a lot of emotions and explode only whenever a trigger presents itself when something really unliking surface . & 90 out of 100% cause of it was always you . Since when do you realise how independent we both are now & how grateful we would be if we could leave this house for a better shelter .
Independence has been a part of me from the way I was brought up .
Once bein' so used to be accustomed to stares . It’s still stares but the eyes of people feel heavier , they feel like bullets in reverie but they hurt the same .
You dissappeared . Then appeared out of nowhere one fine day to take me away from my nanny with not even a chance to bid goodbye was given & expect me to accept you .
How long do you think all these could hold from me ?
I never knew what it was to grow up under such conditions . I never did truly appreciate . I’m devoid of all problems . I never knew what went wrong behind those artificial eyes and care and concern . I am empty of comfort , I am weary with regret . So fake so fake
I really don't understand . Don't get how your fake smile could let everyone be so promisin' towards you .
Don't understand how you can feel so numbed after hurtin' the person typin' this so damn much over and over . Too late to say anythin' now , too many chances were given .
I officially hates you . & your apologies will not be forgiven if you were to seek for forgiveness one day which I very highly doubt do .
Till then , bear in mind we're simply strangers living under the same roof
School is hard and I'm trying the best , not the very best but c'mon I put in effort instead of bein' like sis spendin' $300+ on monthly tution fees w no results at all ?! Since when do you realise how pain I am to be in a course I hardly have interest in , for havin' such boring classmates for the past one year ?? Since when do you realise how grateful I am rn that my class is better this year .
Yes I'm young and wild and want to have fun .
But for God's sake , not all my friends are bad influence .
Since when do you realise I've categorize myself under someone who
" tried your hardest in school and no matter what grade you get your parents are disappointed in you . " ?!
Please worry , when I am not doing fine .
I yearn for a fantasy over a dozen years where we can actually spend some time , have at least a " more than 5mins chat " . Since when you organized a family outin' and stuff . It was always me the one suggesting but at the end of the day , the outing ends up everybody sulking . How not to ? When the moment you stepped out of the house you started naggin' your day away .
Since when do you realize I am the type to not get angry easily but bottle up a lot of emotions and explode only whenever a trigger presents itself when something really unliking surface . & 90 out of 100% cause of it was always you . Since when do you realise how independent we both are now & how grateful we would be if we could leave this house for a better shelter .
Independence has been a part of me from the way I was brought up .
Once bein' so used to be accustomed to stares . It’s still stares but the eyes of people feel heavier , they feel like bullets in reverie but they hurt the same .
You dissappeared . Then appeared out of nowhere one fine day to take me away from my nanny with not even a chance to bid goodbye was given & expect me to accept you .
How long do you think all these could hold from me ?
I never knew what it was to grow up under such conditions . I never did truly appreciate . I’m devoid of all problems . I never knew what went wrong behind those artificial eyes and care and concern . I am empty of comfort , I am weary with regret . So fake so fake
I really don't understand . Don't get how your fake smile could let everyone be so promisin' towards you .
Don't understand how you can feel so numbed after hurtin' the person typin' this so damn much over and over . Too late to say anythin' now , too many chances were given .
I officially hates you . & your apologies will not be forgiven if you were to seek for forgiveness one day which I very highly doubt do .
Till then , bear in mind we're simply strangers living under the same roof
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