This sorrow

Never felt this sorrow for a longlonglonglong time . This sorrow that made me cry my souls out alone . In the night when everybody's watching their favorite dramas or spending solo time ; In the wee hours when everyone's asleep yet I'm being haunt by thoughts & nightmares & suffering from Insomnia . I know I was born out as a kid not to be loved . Knew it right from the very start since I understand what's kinship all the way till I'm goin' 17 in 2months time . All these years the pile of shiats I hid in myself , hoping they'll go away as time flies . But they increased instead . Always being so naive & thought that family will really always be there when you need them when I was a lill kid . But it's soooo damn not true at all . I feeel so jealous with ppl havin' a fun & lovin' family that they can share their secrets with . I don't have a family I can do any of those things with . Used to be so close with my dad , his the only one never fails to drop by & give me a hug when I was under the care of ma nanny . But we're drifting . Same goes to my bro . They're all drifting away from me as days goes by . All tooo busy to spare a lil' time for me anymore . & my heart weighs sososo much , I'm so damn bloody tired y'know . I'd rather swallow all this then disturbing my friends . The mother's gettin' out of control every single day that no one cares 'bout her anymore . Lettin' her scream & shout like her voice's a beautiful melody to listen to . Why . Why does it got to be like this . God , you mad ? People 'round me I cared in & out of my life like my existence sth to take & throw . Yeah , I've never been able to capture what I want . ☊ plucked , musics on , volume up .................. 
Days like this I want to drive away-ay-ay . Hopin' to hop on F's rides very soon . Speeding me down the deserted highways likeaboss . 
Le sigh . School's like a bitch . Poly's like a shopping mall , squeezin' your way in & out everyday seeing strangers & probly some familiar faces in the crowd by chance .
Farkin' 8am tmr + cca till 9.30pm . So gonna be a Zombie or I am alr now . Those eyes can scare the shit outta anyone .